NFL sacks Tom Brady for switching to iPhone 6

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced that he is upholding the four game suspension the league gave Tom Brady for his role in Deflategate earlier this year, all because the four-time Super Bowl champion refused to hand over his cellphone.

The New England Patriot quarterback told fans this morning that he’s disappointed with the league’s decision, but he’s got a perfectly good explanation as to why he couldn’t give investigators his phone to access to his text messages – he had just switched to the iPhone 6.

“I replaced my broken Samsung phone with a new iPhone 6 AFTER my attorneys made it clear to the NFL that my actual phone device would not be subjected to investigation under ANY circumstances,” Brady explained to fans on Facebook today. “As a member of a union, I was under no obligation to set a new precedent going forward, nor was I made aware at any time during Mr. Wells investigation, that failing to subject my cell phone to investigation would result in ANY discipline.”

Despite making the move from Android to iOS, Brady claims he tried to go the whole nine yards to give NFL investigators access to the text messaging data they wanted. The Patriots handed over pages of cellphone records and all of the emails requested. Brady says he even contacted his phone company to see if there was any possible way to retrieve any of his text messages from the old phone, but alas they had all been deleted.

The league suspended Brady without ever finding a ‘smoking gun’ that proved he asked equipment personnel to deflate the team’s footballs to make them easier to throw and catch. The reigning Super Bowl champ has already reported to training camp, but whether he’ll be suiting up on opening day will be decided by a federal court.

Now that you’ve joined the Light side Tom, I’ve got just one pro-tip that may prove useful and save your phone from destruction if you’re ever investigated again: Go to Settings >> Messages >> Message History, and then select Keep Message 30 Days.